Shameless: Season 1, Episode 9: Top Lines

V and Debs in front of what Debs believes is Candice’s home:

D: “K, you got to promise.”

V: “Ok, I promise, I won’t tell Fiona – now whose house is this?”

D: “Not sure.”

More from that conversation:

V: “Fiona’s a big girl.”

D: “Fiona takes care of everyone, but no one takes care of Fiona.”

“Steve” discussing his family with Fiona:

“Not much to say, they live in Michigan.”

Fiona, after “Steve” lies and tells her that his father worked in a GM plant:

”Family business? He builds them, you steal them”

Eddie explaining why it’s his fault Karen has gone down the wrong path:

“If you leave a dog in the house for more than 8 hours alone you can’t get mad at him for peeing on the rug, right?”

Fiona to Steve:

“Got to bring Liam to the clinic for some shots … don’t tell Jenny McCarthy.”

Steve after hearing Fiona call Liam Baby bottom:

“I thought I was baby bottoms? No I said you HAVE a baby bottom.”

Debs and the library kid, who is crushing big time on her:

Kid: “I’ve got a signed first edition of Harry Potter”

Debs: “Overrated, they made a better movie than a book and now with all those kid actors grown-up they’re scarier looking than the villians.”

Sheila to the Eddie’s bible study group:

S: “Eddie is in the basement, he’ll be right up, and of course you’ll all get your shoes back when you go so don’t worry.”

Member: “It’d be great if mine came back shined!”

(Cheesy laughs)

Eddie to his bible study group:

“Sorry folks, had a little plumbing issue, the house’s not mine”

(More cheesy laughs)

Steve making sure Lip can work with him:

S: “You’ve got a drivers license, right?”

L: “Yeah, two of them”

Debs to Mrs. Lishman:

D: “Are you screwing my sisters boyfriend?”

Mrs. L: “If you’re selling cookies that’s a hell of an opening line.”

Sheila after calling Monica:

“How can you not know who two of Chicago’s weathermen are? What kind of person is this Monica?”

Steve explaining his family to Debs:

“I was raised by a pack of wolves, just like you were – only my wolves went to Harvard”

Debs to Steve or “Jimmy”:

“Sifter sifts, rolling pin rolls – nice when things do what they say they will.”

Sheila to Debs:

“You Gallagher’s – you’re all so funny!”

Lip catching Ian up on what he missed:

“You know how Dad’s a total fucking asshole? Turns out he’s the good one.”

Fiona to Monica:

“You don’t get to abandon your kids and show up one day to get your pick of the litter.”

She continues on …

“This is about you – what you didn’t do. It’s about what I did, and you know what? I did a fucking great job!”