Shameless: Season 1, Episode 6: Top Lines

Debbie setting up the episode:

Debbie: “Didn’t Fiona tell you to stop electrocuting dolls?”

Carl: “They have to pay for their sins…”

Frank originally rebuffing Karen:

“No, I don’t do school … we all have our phobias and school is mine – all of it. Textbooks full of falsehoods, teachers unions full of thugs and tenured imbeciles who still use words like ‘irregardless’ … not for me. However, the Crepes, Merci!”

Steve:

“Did Carl blow up the neighborhood again?”

Carl reliving simpler times: 

“Liam we got to get you on to this potty. We can take some of the money spent on diapers and we can buy you candy and cars … don't you like candy and cars?”

“Ah, rewards for shitting, the good ‘ole days.”

Reflecting on the SAT-taking business

Ian: “Why do we help people we hate?”

Lip: “I believe we’re just taking our cue from American foreign policy.”

Frank stating the obvious:

“Honey, you got to lighten up on the shoes”

Frank upon hearing Sheila’s expecting oatmeal from Oregon:

“People wonder why oil prices are so high – shipping oats and sugar from Oregon?”

Sheila to the goons claiming they’re Frank’s darts buddies:

“He’s kind of in an uncooperative mood today, but I’ll see if the paralyzed kids can get him out.”

Linda to Kash:

“Optimism is for children and presidents, not minimart owners in a land of 30 million jobless”

Classic Daddy Frank to Karen’s teacher:

“She gets it from me. It’s all the time I spent with her when she was a youngster, flash cards and the like – pounding, pounding, pounding relentlessly … Never underestimate the power of flashcards.”

Principal Munroe on Carl:

“I’m not a religious man, but every now and then a child comes along who makes me believe in the existence of Satan.”

Once Frank was finally caught in the school:

Goon: “I’d be kicking you had I not pulled a hamstring chasing after you … You’re a fast little bastard.”

Frank: “2^nd team all-state in the mile.”

The family trying to set Carl straight:

Fiona: “You need to stop biting, punching, and hurting people”

Carl: “Well, how else do I make them cry?”

Lip: “Gossip and Slander”

Sheila expressing her frustrations to Frank:

“I can’t even get through the doors of a fake super market, how am I going to show her the Grand Canyon?”

Lip being chased by one angry lineman:

Football player: “I’m gonna get a six on this test!”

Lip: “You’ll get at least a couple hundred if you can spell your name correct!”