Shameless: Season 1, Episode 5: Top Lines

Frank giving himself props, while conversing with an actual disabled person:

“I tell them I get migraines … genius! Try proving I don’t have them.”

V on calling off the wedding:

“I’m going to miss getting a free Kitchen-Aid Mixer.”

Kev thinking on the spot:

“Besides – until gay people can get married in this state … I’m not gonna!”

After Momma revealed news of “The Check”:

“I never knew how much it meant to Daddy, maybe we should reconsider babe.”

“What about the gay people?”

“They got their parades, they can wait.”

Fiona to the pot smoking government employee, lasagna cooking, Sunny:

“It’s still warm from the oven.”

“So is this, keep it that way if you want to pass.”

V walking in to the smell of warm lasagna:

V: “What’s that smell? It’s either vomit or fancy cheese.”

Carl: “It can be both if you want …”

Frank discussing his “three boys”:

F: “So I got an extra passenger on board – what’s the big deal?”

Dr.: “The normal number’s 2.”

F: “Not for me, third guys always been there – he’s my lucky charm, gave me 6 kids!”

The guys at the bar trying to cheer Frank up:

“Look at Lance Armstrong, he had that ball cancer – ended up fucking a rock star.”

Roommate Eddie:

“I’m going to need the house next week for bible study, we’re doing the passion play again – might get noisy.”

Fiona and V trying to figure out how to find a fake priest, with Debbie in the room:

D: “You could hire an actor like the guy who played Elmo at my birthday party.”

F: “You remember that?”

D: “He took his head off … it was traumatizing.”

Frank to his fellow support group members:

“Just knowing your tits are trying to kill you – that’s got to suck.”

Lip walking in as Marty is being discussed between Fiona and V:

L: “Who you talking about?”

F: “V’s brother”

L: “Oh, is that like sibling brother or black guy brother?”

Eddie to Sheila, dressed for the wedding:

“You look nice, where are you pretending to go today?”

Future parent Kev:

“”That’s what I call little mixed-race babies, tomorrow people, “little people of tomorrow.”

Frank’s toast:

“Kevin, Veronica: may you always only have two testicles between you.”

Sheila and Eddie watching a tape of Diana and Charles’ wedding:

E: “And she’s dead now, how’s that for happily ever after?”

S: “Asshole.”