Shameless: Season 1, Episode 7: Top Lines

The Goons:

“Today is put your head in the toilet day, you know what that makes tomorrow Frank? … Put your head in the trash compactor day.”

V to Fiona:

“You work at a bakery and all you stole was bread? Where’s the crullers and turnovers?”

Debs with the bad news:

D: “Upstairs bathroom”

F: “What?”

D: “What used to be the toilet is now the tub.”

Fiona after being told by Steve that he left Liam at Sheila’s:

“You left Liam where? He’s not dry cleaning – you can’t just drop him off!”

Steve to Sheila:

St: “Can you look after Liam”

Sh: “I’d love to! I can keep him in my room until Karen goes off to college.”

St: “Actually, just for one night.”

Sh: “Oh, ok – well we’ll have the best slumber party ever!”

Steve pleading to Fiona:

“You know when a plane starts going down and they tell you to put your mask on before helping anyone else? Put your mask on Fiona!”

After finding out all the Gallagher kids have credit card debt, courtesy of Frank:

Fiona: “He used our names to get cards”

Carl: “Coool, I just got a subscription to Penthouse.”

Fiona confronting Frank:

Fiona: “Do you know how much debt your kids are in now?”

Frank: “7500 – I couldn’t get them to raise the limit.”

Classic Frank:

“I didn’t cause the downfall of the American economy … the President said spend, I spent – where’s my purple heart?”

Linda on Kash:

“How could a man who fathered 2 children have no balls? It’s a medical mystery!”

Sheila giving Liam the choice of which toy to play with:

“Oooh, which one do you like better? The baby or the whore?”

V on bringing in a foster kid:

“Kev really wants a kid, I convinced him to rent before we own”

V to Fiona:

V: “You need to unwind girl”

F: “You sound like Steve”

V: “He may look like he’s in a boy band, but he’s got a point”

Frank to his kids:

“Raise of hands, how many of you at one point or another wanted to see me dead?”

(All hands shoot up…)

Linda to Ian, after finding out about him and Kash:

“You’re not fired … my opinion – you could do better”

Frank purchasing a TV on his new credit card:

“Mr. Gallagher? Is my dad here? … Call me Liam!”

Shameless: Season 1, Episode 7: Re-Cap

I have a way for the Gallagher clan to make some serious money, go into event planning. They do it all, from fake weddings to fake funerals. This week, Frank while preparing for a hobo wrestling match was inspired by the homeless smoothie man, to fake his death like smoothie man had (and obviously that worked out well for him, based on where he was now in life.)

Frank decided to go the fake death route to finally get those goons off his butt, because there was no way he was finding $6,000 in a day. Even though we did learn Frank has been spending, per the President’s request. Of course, Frank had been spending money that he didn’t actually have for booze, drugs, and new televisions for the Alibi Room, while using the names of his children.

Most of the Gallagher kids were in on the fake death from the start, enthusiastically may I mention. Lip and Kev swiped a Hearse with a casket included, Debs bargained meat for clothes with the laundry lady, and Carl stole flowers from pop-up memorials around town. Fiona however, was not in on the plan at first as she returned home from a night away with Steve, one she had to be convinced heavily to take. Fiona was just starting to feel comfortable with the idea that nothing had happened overnight when she walked up to house to see the hearse parked outside. 

The other Gallagher who spent the previous night away from home was little Liam who was babysat by none other than Sheila who enjoyed her role as babysitter, with the exception of one little incident which led to Sheila leaving the house attached to a rope of sheets – a monumental moment on Shameless, for sure.

This was a particularly meaty episode, literally and figuratively as Lip, Ian, and Mandy came across a truck driver broken down in their neighborhood. In typical Gallagher fashion they deceived and the rewards were grand. There was enough meat in the back of that truck to feed the entire south side of Chicago that night, as evidenced by the rapid run on barbeque sauce and charcoal at Kash and Grab.

That wasn’t all that happened at the Kash and Grab this week though. We learned that Kash pulled a gun on Mickey, but not surprisingly he wussed out and Mickey swiped the gun. It’s amazing that this guy apparently has some kind of conscience in certain scenarios. Anyhow, that set off quite the chain of events, Linda hooked the security cameras back up catching Ian and Kash, who were under the impression they were not being filmed. The other interesting development is that not only is Kash now in a love Triangle, but so is Ian. Ian went to the Malkovich household, crowbar in hand and while he left with the stolen gun, he got even more than he came for.

In the end, the goons were gone, Sheila made it out and back in the house alive, Linda is getting herself another baby, and the Gallagher’s made it through a night without Fiona. Now it’s time to start paying off that inherited debt.

Other Observations and Comments:

• Like last week, another really strong episode from start to finish  
• Curious to see how Sheila progresses in the week’s ahead, will she be shopping for that Indian food in no time? Too early to tell…
• Speaking of which, after seeing that picture of Sheila and Karen I’m curious if it will ever come out what led to Sheila’s agoraphobia
• While Fiona is the glue of the Gallagher family, hopefully she is starting to realize she needs and can take a night off every once in a while
• Steve’s really got cash flowing from his ass doesn’t he?
• Curious to see how the Ian-Kash-Mickey triangle develops, and the role Mandy plays moving forward
• Definitely felt bad for Linda, but also a little for Ian – not so much for Kash
• Lost a little bit in this deep episode was the news that V and Kev are “renting” a foster child, now that should be interesting!
• While each Gallagher is shameless in their own special way, Frank is head and heels above the others as the most Shameless character, let me know – am I right?
• That’s all for this week I’m hungry for a slab of meat now!     

Shameless: Season 1, Episode 6: Top Lines

Debbie setting up the episode:

Debbie: “Didn’t Fiona tell you to stop electrocuting dolls?”

Carl: “They have to pay for their sins…”

Frank originally rebuffing Karen:

“No, I don’t do school … we all have our phobias and school is mine – all of it. Textbooks full of falsehoods, teachers unions full of thugs and tenured imbeciles who still use words like ‘irregardless’ … not for me. However, the Crepes, Merci!”

Steve:

“Did Carl blow up the neighborhood again?”

Carl reliving simpler times: 

“Liam we got to get you on to this potty. We can take some of the money spent on diapers and we can buy you candy and cars … don't you like candy and cars?”

“Ah, rewards for shitting, the good ‘ole days.”

Reflecting on the SAT-taking business

Ian: “Why do we help people we hate?”

Lip: “I believe we’re just taking our cue from American foreign policy.”

Frank stating the obvious:

“Honey, you got to lighten up on the shoes”

Frank upon hearing Sheila’s expecting oatmeal from Oregon:

“People wonder why oil prices are so high – shipping oats and sugar from Oregon?”

Sheila to the goons claiming they’re Frank’s darts buddies:

“He’s kind of in an uncooperative mood today, but I’ll see if the paralyzed kids can get him out.”

Linda to Kash:

“Optimism is for children and presidents, not minimart owners in a land of 30 million jobless”

Classic Daddy Frank to Karen’s teacher:

“She gets it from me. It’s all the time I spent with her when she was a youngster, flash cards and the like – pounding, pounding, pounding relentlessly … Never underestimate the power of flashcards.”

Principal Munroe on Carl:

“I’m not a religious man, but every now and then a child comes along who makes me believe in the existence of Satan.”

Once Frank was finally caught in the school:

Goon: “I’d be kicking you had I not pulled a hamstring chasing after you … You’re a fast little bastard.”

Frank: “2^nd team all-state in the mile.”

The family trying to set Carl straight:

Fiona: “You need to stop biting, punching, and hurting people”

Carl: “Well, how else do I make them cry?”

Lip: “Gossip and Slander”

Sheila expressing her frustrations to Frank:

“I can’t even get through the doors of a fake super market, how am I going to show her the Grand Canyon?”

Lip being chased by one angry lineman:

Football player: “I’m gonna get a six on this test!”

Lip: “You’ll get at least a couple hundred if you can spell your name correct!” 

Shameless: Season 1, Episode 6: Re-Cap

Well, episode 6 of Shameless tackled the topic of education and in more ways than one. The main plot of the episode revolved around the most underrated Gallagher, Carl, who as we already knew has a pension for pain. We were aware of Carl’s hobbies of torturing house cats and action figures, but this week we learned, not surprisingly, Carl is a bit of a bully in school – biting, punching, and kicking his fellow classmates. The issue was brought front and center when Carl handed Fiona a letter stating that a parent had to meet with the principal at the school’s parent-child night. Fiona went down to try to fix things, but to no avail, the school needed a parent. Fiona then pleaded with Frank to show up to avoid the school calling child services, that wasn’t looking good though because as Frank had just finished explaining to the Jackson’s at breakfast, he has a phobia of schools.

Lip also learned a lesson or two this episode, while showing a vulnerable side we hadn't really seen before. While there’s no doubting the kid’s a genius, you can’t win ‘em all, sometimes you’re going to get outsmarted and when you lose, it sucks. SAT season continued this week, and for Lip it was also the week it would end. After taking a test for a basketball player by the name of Morgan, who was not getting into that posh preschool down the street if he had to take the test on his own, Lip was approached by an investigator for the Education Evaluation Service. While Lip was let off the hook easy after the investigator certified his genius status, the more painful lesson came next when one of the football players Lip took the test for found out his “score” had been invalidated and showed up at the Gallagher house for revenge.    

While Lip’s book smarts were getting him in trouble, it was the street smarts that Kash was being taught by Linda, Ian, and NASCAR driver Michael Waltrip. Before Linda left Kash and Grab she scolded her husband, announcing the market was short on inventory yet again. Once Linda left, old friend Mickey Malkovich entered. Mickey grabbed, looked at Kash and left … before returning for some dip. Apparently, Kash has a history with Mickey’s father and doesn’t feel it’s worth the fight, sending Ian off with cash to replace the stolen items. Linda beat Ian back to the store though and quickly pieced it all together. That’s where the cardboard Michael Waltrip cutout came in. Linda takes the boys out back for some shooting lessons. Ian, thanks to his ROTC training impressed, while Kash – not so much. What was confirmed from this chain of events was that both Linda and Ian have balls, Kash doesn’t.

We were also educated by Frank and his wacko theories of life, even more so than usual. If it’s possible, I found Frank even less likable than usual this week. Frank had a job, a pretty simple one too, he had to drive a car a few blocks and park it for $6,000 dollars. Frank being Frank accepted, and Frank being Frank didn’t follow through on his word (Shocker!) While Frank wouldn’t attend a meeting with the principal on Carl, he did attend a parent teacher conference with Karen, which led to a frosty exchange in the hall with everyone except Debbie who was the one to grab Frank’s attention. Nonetheless, it was still less painful than the beating from the two goons who finally caught up to Frank in the school moments earlier. Even without Frank showing up, Carl got off the hook, thanks to Steve and his “teacher’s discount” price for pot.

While new lessons were learned this week, the show ended with something we already knew well, that through thick and thin; invalidated SAT scores and “Deadhead” principals, the Gallagher kids are always there for each other, even though their father isn’t.

Other Observations and Comments:

• Wonder what happened to Marty or V for that matter? At least the Alibi Room was still standing…
• Speaking of loose ends from episode 5, Steve got back in the good graces of Fiona awful quick
• Steve gets people and he’s very good at taking advantage of them: case in point, Principal Munroe
• On the same subject, Steve’s depiction of Fiona seems to be spot-on and she knows it, she doesn’t want to rely on him because she knows he’ll let her down, and frankly I think she’s right
• Not feeling Sheila’s going to be having a breakthrough anytime soon
• I’d bet we haven’t seen the last of that investigator, who also happens to be a professor at the University of Chicago
• Is Lip and Karen’s relationship on the rocks? There were certainly signs …
• This was the most tightly written episode yet, not sure if this is an original or an adaptation of an episode from the British version, but everything really tied together cleanly, while leaving a few loose knots for next week
• For those counting at home, Frank has now been dressed up on two different occasions over the first six episodes, the over bet won there for sure
• Episode 6, hard to believe the season is already half over, feels like it just began
• Can’t wait to see what the second half of the show’s inaugural season has in store!

Shameless: Season 1, Episode 5: Top Lines

Frank giving himself props, while conversing with an actual disabled person:

“I tell them I get migraines … genius! Try proving I don’t have them.”

V on calling off the wedding:

“I’m going to miss getting a free Kitchen-Aid Mixer.”

Kev thinking on the spot:

“Besides – until gay people can get married in this state … I’m not gonna!”

After Momma revealed news of “The Check”:

“I never knew how much it meant to Daddy, maybe we should reconsider babe.”

“What about the gay people?”

“They got their parades, they can wait.”

Fiona to the pot smoking government employee, lasagna cooking, Sunny:

“It’s still warm from the oven.”

“So is this, keep it that way if you want to pass.”

V walking in to the smell of warm lasagna:

V: “What’s that smell? It’s either vomit or fancy cheese.”

Carl: “It can be both if you want …”

Frank discussing his “three boys”:

F: “So I got an extra passenger on board – what’s the big deal?”

Dr.: “The normal number’s 2.”

F: “Not for me, third guys always been there – he’s my lucky charm, gave me 6 kids!”

The guys at the bar trying to cheer Frank up:

“Look at Lance Armstrong, he had that ball cancer – ended up fucking a rock star.”

Roommate Eddie:

“I’m going to need the house next week for bible study, we’re doing the passion play again – might get noisy.”

Fiona and V trying to figure out how to find a fake priest, with Debbie in the room:

D: “You could hire an actor like the guy who played Elmo at my birthday party.”

F: “You remember that?”

D: “He took his head off … it was traumatizing.”

Frank to his fellow support group members:

“Just knowing your tits are trying to kill you – that’s got to suck.”

Lip walking in as Marty is being discussed between Fiona and V:

L: “Who you talking about?”

F: “V’s brother”

L: “Oh, is that like sibling brother or black guy brother?”

Eddie to Sheila, dressed for the wedding:

“You look nice, where are you pretending to go today?”

Future parent Kev:

“”That’s what I call little mixed-race babies, tomorrow people, “little people of tomorrow.”

Frank’s toast:

“Kevin, Veronica: may you always only have two testicles between you.”

Sheila and Eddie watching a tape of Diana and Charles’ wedding:

E: “And she’s dead now, how’s that for happily ever after?”

S: “Asshole.”

Shameless: Season 1, Episode 5: Re-Cap

Episode 5 picked right back up with marriage-gate, and apparently it was Fiona’s job to convince V things aren’t all that bad the way they currently were between her and Kev. After just a little nudging, V bought the idea pretty easy. Of course, there was just one problem – “Momma” was already in full mother-of-the-bride mode and she was not turning back. It wasn’t until Kev and V sat Momma down and told her the wedding was off that she pulled out of her back pocket (figuratively) that V’s late father had left her a check for her to open on her wedding day.

Once V heard about the check, she reversed course and decided free things plus a fat check, would be worth getting married to Kev, who in all honesty isn’t a half-bad guy. In fact, he may be the most stable male character we’ve been introduced to over the show’s five-week run. Of course, with the exception of that whole already being married secret. Kev finally comes clean to V, and she doesn’t take it all that bad really – she’s most disappointed she won’t be getting that check. And that’s where the Gallagher’s come in.

When you’re in a jam and need a scheme, there’s always one brewing in that household. This time around, the idea comes courtesy of Fiona who suggests V and Kev have a sham wedding. The thinking behind this is that Momma will get her wedding, while Kev and V will get their check.

While weddings tend to be pricey, they’re much less so if you know the Gallagher’s. Not only did Kev and V not have to pay for a marriage certificate – I highly doubt they paid for anything. Sheila channeled her inner Vera Wang to make V’s dress, the Gallagher boys caught themselves a priest in yet another Lip special, and the Alibi room not only held the bachelor party, but also the wedding, and reception – what a versatile facility! In the end, it was a good thing it wasn’t a very expensive sham wedding as V’s father left her a check for a whopping five-hundred dollars (It’s still more than Frank would have left Fiona!)

The only thing Kev and V were going to be paying for was a new toilet after theirs was ripped from the wall by V’s brother, Marty, an alcoholic with Tourette’s and Bipolar disorder, and who has a pension for setting things on fire. Marty didn’t add a whole lot to the episode – it could’ve been a storyline scratched and wouldn’t have made a huge difference in my opinion. It certainly didn’t hurt the episode though.

While the wedding arrangements took up much of the hour, there was still plenty of other shameless behavior to go around. Among the highlights were Fiona trading her urine to a government employee for a sheet of lasagna, what some would call a trade, others (Lip) call it “Piss food.” We also got a glimpse of Frank at the disability center showing his true colors in conversations with those who are actually receiving disability checks because of an injury, opposed to Frank who is faking migraines.

Of course, Frank had his own health scare, as he learned the normal number of testicles for a man to have was two and not three, like he’s apparently been carrying around his entire life. You would have thought the doctor told him he was dying next week the way he was going around sobbing, going as far as wearing a tie everyday, never knowing which moment would be his last. At least the Gallagher’s weren’t going to have to bury him next to the real Aunt Ginger in the backyard, as Sheila was ready to give up her second plot, once reserved for Eddie, to Frank. In the end, after one nasty needle Frank wasn’t going to die after all … well, at least not yet.

Other Observations and Leftovers:

• Loved the chain-smoking doctor
• Equally loved the bachelor party garb
• Frank in the breast-cancer support group - priceless
• Glad Ian came to his senses and didn’t go through with staying over Kash’s house
• Curious if Ian is starting to second-guess the Kash thing now that the realization has hit him of what he’s doing and that he has a family
• Loved the Gallagher’s taking down the creepy priest and then forcing him to preside over the sham marriage … go Carl!
• Sheila does it all, those were quite the matching outfits she made for herself and Frank
• Frank mouthing to Lip “no way” as Sheila went through her going outside routine, “anti-anxiety disco biscuits” and all
• Didn’t take long for Steve to get back in the doghouse … I assume this is going to be a back-and-forth thing all season long
• Also, how long until Steve gets caught? I’m putting my money on Tony right now by the way as the one to figure it out
• Loved Sheila and Eddie ending the episode watching a tape of Charles and Diana’s wedding
• Is the Alibi Room still going to be standing come episode 6?

Shameless: Season 1, Episode 4: Top Lines

Fiona on why Debbie and Carl don’t play together:

F: “The last time you asked Carl to play you were locked in the basement for half the day”

D: “That was on purpose, we were playing loser goes to Gitmo”

Frank unable to wrap his head a round the concept of a kids party:

“They’re having some sort of party across the street for kids, no booze – what’s the point?”

Eddie to a rebellious Karen:

“That’s your teenage-diseased mind talking. You tasted peni, now you’re just crazy”

Fiona upon finding the child in Debbie’s room:

F: “Why would you steal a little girl? … Why would you steal a little boy and dress him like a little girl?”

D: “I wanted a girl but there weren’t any.”

Is this actually what cops argue about?

“Look, I’ve been a cop a lot longer than you – you don’t get to drive and talk on the loud speaker.

Lip questioning debs about the incident:

L: “Was he inside or outside the yard?”

D: “Inside”

L: “Then how’d you get him out?”

D: “I waved a Snickers bar at him”

Ian continues the line of questions:

I: “Did anyone see you?”

D: “I don’t think so … we just ran”

Fiona: “That wasn’t suspicious”

Fiona trying to figure where it went wrong:

F: “I don’t know what’s wrong with her”

Kev: “Maybe it’s because your mom bailed and Frank’s a big drunk”

(V scowls…)

Kev: “Oh what? Now I’m the asshole? She’s the one who stole a baby!”

Fiona strongly shooting down a suggestion from Steve, while making a strong statement:

“Gallagher’s do not do therapy.”

Lip trying to get Carl to cooperate:

L: “Want to be in a group home until you’re 18?”

C: “Group home on Union had a climbing wall.”

Frank acting as if he did something:

“I told you we’d find him … A Gallagher saves the day you bunch of losers!”

Shameless: Season 1, Episode 4: Re-Cap

No matter what the Gallagher’s do next week in episode 5, I won’t be surprised. Well, I’ll be surprised … I just won’t be surprised how shameless it is. This week, sweet little Debbie, the most innocent Gallagher, stole a toddler. That should say something about the family. In the end though, the actions that followed ended up saying more about the family than anything else.

Something was up with Debbie right from the start of the episode when she was pushing a bag of potatoes around in a baby carriage. More than anything, she was looking for a companion now that the infamous Aunt Ginger had been returned to the old folks home. And being a Gallagher, deceiving and stealing are a way of life – so that’s what Debs did – luring a little boy out of his front yard with a snickers bar.

Once Fiona along with Steve (who’s fully back in the picture this week, after last week’s Tony fling) found Debs with the kid, the family commenced in the Kitchen for what felt like a war room session as Debbie was peppered with questions from every angle, as swat team choppers flew overhead.

We soon learned the Gallagher’s were once split up, via some amusing Christmas Cards (apparently Rod Blagojevich was Liam’s foster father, who wulda’ known?) That little scene gave us some insight to at least partially why the Gallagher’s are so close and really bust their asses to make ends meet. That of course is the exact opposite philosophy of their nonchalant father, Frank.

Frank continued his stay at the Jackson B&B this week, which would soon look more like the residence of the muffin man. Speaking of children’s characters, Eddie and his strange collection of clowns returned after the realization he couldn’t afford to support Karen and Sheila (and as he soon found out, Frank, as well) and live on his own. As a result, Eddie ended up remodeling the basement, which should lead to an interesting living arrangement in the weeks ahead. Then again, isn’t every living arrangement on this show interesting?

And that includes V and Kev who were getting in some morning uh, exercise, as the Gallagher children entered their house one-by-one for hot showers, after the Gallagher’s hot water heater blew out. Wouldn’t you know it, by the time it was Kev’s turn to take a shower, he was in cold water … poor guy.

Back though to the pressing issue at hand the stolen baby, Lip put that mind of his to constructive use yet again with another complex scheme, which made sure to cover up every possible hole in the story. Lip’s plan worked to perfection, with everybody involved executing their roles perfectly – including Debbie at the police station.

It soon appears everything will end happily ever after in the episode as Debs returned Casey Casden safe and sound, the Gallagher’s got at least one more week together, and as money is raining down from the sky, Frank was a proud father while chastising onlookers who probably were searching harder than he was – because unless that kid was at the Alibi Room, Frank wasn’t finding him. In addition, Debs used that newly earned money from stealing, saving little Casey, to buy her family a new water heater. Oh yeah, and Kev and V got engaged – but that didn’t make everybody happy.

Fiona, despite having already drank a large amount of jagermeister could tell something was up with Kev who was not all that excited about V saying yes to his drunk-prosal earlier in the day, as it turned out Kev’s already married … Well there’s that heavy Kev plotline I’ve been waiting for!

Other Observations:

• Can you say awkward? Tony and Fiona in the police car at the end of the episode…
• I liked the rapport between Tony and his partner, led to a couple laugh out loud moments
• What’s with Karen trying to seduce Frank? Like, really?
• Glad we’ve seen a lot more Debbie these past two episodes
• Love the scene when Sheila was passing muffins out to Frank through the window to give to the police officers
• This Eddie-Frank-Sheila-Karen living arrangement is about as dysfunctional as one can get, am I right or am I right?
• Another strong episode for Lip, first concocting the entire scheme to get Casey returned with no traces of evidence left behind, then his pep-talk with “Debs” – for what it’s worth Steve also gave a nice talk to Debs, in what was his most human moment on the show up to this point
• While I did enjoy the light humor Kev has brought most of time, I am kind of looking forward to digging deeper into his marriage, can’t be good can it?
• The million-dollar question: How will he break the news to V? The two-million dollar question: How will she react? And maybe more importantly, how will mama react?
• Frank in that bathrobe? Priceless…